...I mean, I LOVE Diana Prince and all of her alter egos. And don't even get me started on the awesomeness of both Lynda Carter AND Wonder Woman Underoos...I think it is safe to say that both held in their thrall a generation of us girls who grew up in the mid-70's/early 80's. But as an adult, a daughter, wife, friend, mother, employee, volunteer...I am really sick of the Superwoman/Wonder Woman ideal. And it occurred to me -- wait a minute! Even Wonder Woman wasn't so wonderful!
Think about it. While she did some insanely badass things, was a member of the League of Justice, rid society of many perils, served the Navy, looked great in a cocktail dress, and always got the bad guy in the end, she had a TON of help.
I don't know about you, but I don't have a truth-telling lasso to sort out the misdeeds and misinformation I encounter in this world. There is no invisible jet at my disposal to hasten my errands OR my swift delivery of justice. I have some fabulous jewelry, but none as indestructible as those bracelets. And, not being a Princess of an Amazonian society, I lack the royal perks that an HRH enjoys.
However, I am relieved to realize that even with all of her superpowers, even Wonder Woman didn't always get it right. Blasphemy? Maybe. But it's true -- even Diana fell short in some areas. Yes, she rocked the hell out of those go-go boots, but the headband/crown? Clearly one item too much, even for a superhero. (I know, superhero fans/geeks -- the headband was a projectile. But COME ON! She could have thrown any old thing.)
As the fabulous Coco Chanel stated, "Always take off the last accessory you put on." And I think Mademoiselle Chanel is saying something not just about bling, but also commenting on the fact that in all aspects of life, less can be more.
So, no more stressing about doing more, being more, having more. Because more isn't always better! No need to worry about being the most accomplished, the best at everything, on top of it all at every moment of the day.
Case in point? The other weekend we could have been in seven different places at once, and I could have done laundry, grocery shopping, cleaned, planted mums, and baked a pie. Instead? My daughter and I made cookies. I played trucks with my son. My husband and I took a nap when the kids did. We had breakfast-for-dinner. And to me, that felt like a productive day. And I didn't need a lasso once.
Take that, Wonder Woman!
8/06/2011
No, I Don't Iron My Sheets...and Other Crimes Against Humanity
It can be hard to be the daughter of a perfectionist.
It is harder to have a daughter and to try to NOT pass on the stress and guilt of being a perfectionist yourself.
One of the gifts of motherhood, for me at least, has been a letting go of certain expectations and standards (all self-imposed) that can literally keep me up at night. I still could stand to be a little more relaxed and laid-back in general, but even my husband has to admit that I am not as emotionally invested as checking EVERYTHING off the to-do list in one hour flat.
I've learned that I have to stop with the pages and pages long to-do lists, hold off on things I feel should be done to spend that time doing things that need to be done (like playing dress-ups and building Duplo sand castles). I'm hoping that this relaxing of the need to always be in control, to always be accomplishing a task, will show my kids that while it is important to achieve things, it is not essential to drive yourself crazy just to say you checked everything off the list.
But while I try to spend my energy and thought in areas that are more fulfilling to my entire family, not just my OCD nature, it is hard to break old habits.
I was raised to overachieve. I learned early on that the gold stars of tackling a task or a list of things to-do was valuable, important, essential to life. That you could always be doing. It can be an exhausting way to live.
So, I am trying to find a balance between my upbringing and my internal drive and real life for me and my family. It can be tough to resist the urge to go, go, go.
But for me, it is never tough to blow off the chore of ironing the sheets -- that one is a no-brainer for this girl.
It is harder to have a daughter and to try to NOT pass on the stress and guilt of being a perfectionist yourself.
One of the gifts of motherhood, for me at least, has been a letting go of certain expectations and standards (all self-imposed) that can literally keep me up at night. I still could stand to be a little more relaxed and laid-back in general, but even my husband has to admit that I am not as emotionally invested as checking EVERYTHING off the to-do list in one hour flat.
I've learned that I have to stop with the pages and pages long to-do lists, hold off on things I feel should be done to spend that time doing things that need to be done (like playing dress-ups and building Duplo sand castles). I'm hoping that this relaxing of the need to always be in control, to always be accomplishing a task, will show my kids that while it is important to achieve things, it is not essential to drive yourself crazy just to say you checked everything off the list.
But while I try to spend my energy and thought in areas that are more fulfilling to my entire family, not just my OCD nature, it is hard to break old habits.
I was raised to overachieve. I learned early on that the gold stars of tackling a task or a list of things to-do was valuable, important, essential to life. That you could always be doing. It can be an exhausting way to live.
So, I am trying to find a balance between my upbringing and my internal drive and real life for me and my family. It can be tough to resist the urge to go, go, go.
But for me, it is never tough to blow off the chore of ironing the sheets -- that one is a no-brainer for this girl.
8/02/2011
My skin was saved by MALIN + GOETZ
Below is my recent customer blog post to MALIN + GOETZ, an amazing skincare company in NYC...it is a testament to their product that I would write about, share, and allow for something about my (formerly) embarrassing skin condition, rosacea, to be published!
Skin Stories: Christy’s Rosacea
First in an ongoing series of customer stories, Christy shares her tips on living with Rosacea.
“I first dealt with the horrors of Rosacea as a young adult. Recently out of college, first “real” job, and a live-in boyfriend. And suddenly — bright magenta spots, painful skin, and a 70+ year old dermatologist who told me to “take some antibiotics, never use soap, sunscreen, moisturizer, or makeup, and to stop taking any medication that would interfere with said antibiotics.”
Oof. This was not looking good – literally or figuratively.
Medication stabilized things, but I could never seem to find the right products to make my skin truly clear. I would just get to a place where I could slather on enough makeup where I felt I could go out in public. The red, patchy skin was always lurking underneath. And since the list of things that elicit a Rosacea flare-up seem to include: nothing hot, nothing cold, nothing spicy, nothing bland, nothing bright, nothing dark, and ‘no breathing’, I realized that this was something I was going to have to deal with my whole life. And, that I was not happy with always having skin that hurt and was embarrassed to show to the world without a Tammy Faye-esque makeup job.
Then one afternoon I visited a local salon, and they had a special Rosacea facial. And they used products for that treatment, and recommended others, that were by a company I hadn’t heard of…you guessed it: Malin + Goetz. Suddenly there was a moisturizer I could use that actually pampered and protected my skin! And since the grapefruit cleanser complemented the moisturizer, and was also so natural and gentle, I had a soap that cleansed and nourished too.
It has been several years since I discovered the company that truly helped me ‘save face’. And I’m very grateful. I know it is a true success story recently because an acquaintance told me, “You’re so lucky – you have the BEST skin…what do you use?” I figured she must be talking to someone else, because I still don’t think of myself as someone who had anything but the bumps, the redness, and the flakiness of a Rosacea sufferer. But that night when I looked into the mirror after washing my face, I realized that she was right – it’s not perfect, but it is healthy, smooth, and radiant.
So here are my tips on living with Rosacea. Not everything will work for everyone, but give it a whirl:Visit http://www.malinandgoetz.com/ to read the above in it's original format on their blog, and also to shop online!
- If you don’t care for your skin, it will not get better. Get thee to a dermatologist! (Not a cranky old dude, though.
- Cleansing and gentle moisturizing are key — Malin + Goetz Grapefruit Face Cleanser and the fabulous Vitamin E Moisturizer work well together and are light and fresh.
- Cleansing with lukewarm water with clean hands and no washcloth has worked well for me – even the finest Egyptian cotton isn’t soothing when you are rubbing it all over sensitive skin.
- If you wear makeup: — after many trials (and tribulations) I’ve found that cosmetics that use minerals or the most natural possible ingredients work best to both mask Rosacea, as well as not promote flare-ups.
- SPF, baby! With as little grease as possible.
- What you use on your hair and hands can have an effect on the skin on your face. Think about it — the products you use in the shower to wash your hair come streaming down your face when you rinse. If there are a ton of chemicals or a trigger ingredient, it can cause a flare-up. Once I switched to a more natural shampoo + conditioner (by guess who?) I noticed a wonderful difference.
- Drink lots of water. Doesn’t every helpful list include this? Well, it appears there for a reason.
- If you do use cosmetics, don’t go to sleep in them! Wash that face! Same thing if you’ve worked out.
- Find a gentle laundry detergent — especially for your pillowcases! And change them more than once a week if you are having a breakout or particularly oily day. And if those pillows are old, break down and treat yourself to some new ones.
- Realize that you are more than your worst skin day – you’re gorgeous, and you deserve to take good care of your face. It’s the only one you’ve got!”
6/07/2011
Hi, Irony. I'm Christy.
 |
| my 'space' at boot camp this morning... |
I showed up - on time, even! - with my mat, my weights, and my water bottle (should have brought several gallon jugs, as it turns out) and was directed to a spot in the parking lot. This spot. The handicapped one. I nearly died laughing right then and there.
Because as it turns out, I am disabled in the health and wellness category these days. After my youngest was born I harnessed the nervous energy and what little strength I had and turned it towards remaking my outer self, all to try and bring something much-needed to my inner self. In the throes of postpartum depression, with a toddler and a NICU infant who had a birth injury to boot, I started going to the gym. Every day. Like, really - every day. Like those women we all hate. I was one of the Mommy Mafia, with an ipod, a laser-focus and my kids at the childwatch room. It was my time. It was my escape. It was my sanity.
And it worked. I lost 93 pounds and found so much along the way. I realized why "they" say that you should take time for yourself, that if you do you will be a better person, spouse, mother, daughter, friend, neighbor, pedestrian, driver, grocery shopper, whatever. And I also was the most fit - mentally, physically, emotionally - that I have been maybe ever. It was wonderful.
And now, months later, I am miserably back to having to start over. Not totally over. But in the months since I started working part-time, handling the occupational therapy sessions my son needs, and dealing with life in general, I've gained back 20+ of those well-earned pounds, and I forgot the part about how working out and eating right makes me feel not only in the now, but in the later.
I don't think that going to the gym every day is necessary - or possible - for me anymore. But I do think that being kind to my body in terms of what I eat and how much I eat is essential. And I do know that being brutal to my body in terms of vigorous workouts and strict attention to eating less and moving more is critical.
Handicapping myself by not being healthy isn't something that just punishes me. I have tiny humans who watch everything I do and say, and family and friends who love me. It is my responsibility and privilege to take care of myself.
Even if that means doing wind-sprints and lunges before 6am.
5/24/2011
People...people who need people...
...are sometimes the UN-luckiest people in the world...
I'm a people-pleaser. Maybe it's because I'm an only child, or it's because I was raised by a woman who is a people-pleaser (who in turn was raised by a woman who was a people-pleaser, who in turn...you get it). Whether nature, nurture, or just because, it is part of my makeup. And don't misunderstand - being a people-pleasure is not a selfless thing. I actually get pleasure by helping, by being helpful. I enjoy, for the most part, being someone who works hard at my relationships, who values the people in my life and wants them to know what they mean to me.
But as I get older - and either wiser, or more cynical? - I realize that there are definitely some one-sided relationships in my portfolio. As in I am the only one who puts in the effort. And while I certainly understand that all relationships have an ebb and flow to them, I am just not comfortable in the doormat role with certain people in my life. The ones who never give more than they take. The ones who never want to be the listener, the do-er, the helper in a friendship.
My fabulously wise and witty maternal grandfather had a fabulous saying about giving in relationships. He mainly referred to it regarding a marriage, but I think it is fitting for other key relationships in life. His theory was that instead of things being "50/50", that if you give 60, and only take 40, when times are tough there will always be something leftover to help you get through. I think there is some great knowledge there - that giving more than you take is not only selfless, but in some way builds up a bank of goodwill. That both partners or parties give more than they need to, that all involved help more than they take.
That ideal of relationships is surely that - an ideal. But imagine the shift in our lives if that is how we treated all of those who are important to us? Always wanting to give more than we take - being more selfless than selfish.
It is painful to acknowledge that with some people you will never get back what you put in to a relationship. Determining if that person is worth your while is a freeing exercise, though, I've realized. Because what I've learned about myself is that while I plan to continue being a people-pleaser, that I am also going to start considering myself one of the people that I want to please. I'm pretty great, and I'm worth the extra.
I'm a people-pleaser. Maybe it's because I'm an only child, or it's because I was raised by a woman who is a people-pleaser (who in turn was raised by a woman who was a people-pleaser, who in turn...you get it). Whether nature, nurture, or just because, it is part of my makeup. And don't misunderstand - being a people-pleasure is not a selfless thing. I actually get pleasure by helping, by being helpful. I enjoy, for the most part, being someone who works hard at my relationships, who values the people in my life and wants them to know what they mean to me.
But as I get older - and either wiser, or more cynical? - I realize that there are definitely some one-sided relationships in my portfolio. As in I am the only one who puts in the effort. And while I certainly understand that all relationships have an ebb and flow to them, I am just not comfortable in the doormat role with certain people in my life. The ones who never give more than they take. The ones who never want to be the listener, the do-er, the helper in a friendship.
My fabulously wise and witty maternal grandfather had a fabulous saying about giving in relationships. He mainly referred to it regarding a marriage, but I think it is fitting for other key relationships in life. His theory was that instead of things being "50/50", that if you give 60, and only take 40, when times are tough there will always be something leftover to help you get through. I think there is some great knowledge there - that giving more than you take is not only selfless, but in some way builds up a bank of goodwill. That both partners or parties give more than they need to, that all involved help more than they take.
That ideal of relationships is surely that - an ideal. But imagine the shift in our lives if that is how we treated all of those who are important to us? Always wanting to give more than we take - being more selfless than selfish.
It is painful to acknowledge that with some people you will never get back what you put in to a relationship. Determining if that person is worth your while is a freeing exercise, though, I've realized. Because what I've learned about myself is that while I plan to continue being a people-pleaser, that I am also going to start considering myself one of the people that I want to please. I'm pretty great, and I'm worth the extra.
5/05/2011
I love my kids, so I am going away without them
Not forever. Not even for a whole weekend. But on Saturday, M and I will drop them off at my parents and not look back. We probably won't even call to check in on them more than once. And I won't feel guilty at all.
I adore the tiny humans, and I know that my jaded and sarcastic and free self will even miss them for the 27 hours or so I am away from them. But I need this time away. My husband needs this time away. We need the time together. And, when I think about it - I think the kids need us to go away, too.
I grew up knowing and spending periods of time with my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, and other relatives. Summer visits, weekend trips, outings for afternoons, etc. I think it is part of why I have great relationships with these people, and also why I have always felt comfortable with older generations. My parents were smart enough and secure enough to know that while I spent a vast majority of my time with them and 100% of the time being parented by them, that I needed other people in my life to learn from, to love, to feel safe with. I'm grateful for that gift, and I want to share it with my kids too.
I admit, though, not all of my motives are pure and noble. I love that the kids will have a great day and sleepover with my parents, but I also love that I won't have to make anyone lunch, wipe noses, referee fights, negotiate naptime, fix dress-up outfits, push someone on the swings, make dinner, do bathtime, and get up at 2am if someone is teething or wakes up randomly. In short, this Mother's Day weekend, I'm taking a break from being a mom! It will be awesome to not be interrupted with stories about Rapunzel while I'm trying to have a discussion with my husband, and I am giddy at the thought of reconnecting with friends and not having to feed a toddler at the same time.
Being a parent is amazing - a wonderful gift. I love my kids and find them endlessly incredible and feel lucky to have them. But being a parent is also WORK. A lot of it. The bigger they get, the more they grow, the more fun AND work is involved. And I find that I am a better parent when I take a step back here and there, to be alone with M, to be with friends, to be by myself even.
I remember hearing women talk about how when they take time for themselves - to work out, to knit, to read, to take a walk, or for whatever interest or activity - that doing so made them a better mother, a better partner, friend, etc. And I used to scoff at that notion. Now I live it. Me taking an hour at the gym means that I have more energy for the kids, will have a healthy lifestyle that they can emulate, and that I'll live a long and healthy life with them.
Me going on a road trip with M this weekend to drink beers, tell stories of crazy 20-something happenings, and indulge in late-night Pizza House has its importance in my life as well. And is even good for the kids in the long-run. Because sometime next week when I am faced with a simultaneous toddler temper-tantrum and pre-school bathroom emergency, I'll be able to smile at the memory of a lost weekend as I cheerfully and lovingly navigate real life again.
I adore the tiny humans, and I know that my jaded and sarcastic and free self will even miss them for the 27 hours or so I am away from them. But I need this time away. My husband needs this time away. We need the time together. And, when I think about it - I think the kids need us to go away, too.
I grew up knowing and spending periods of time with my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, and other relatives. Summer visits, weekend trips, outings for afternoons, etc. I think it is part of why I have great relationships with these people, and also why I have always felt comfortable with older generations. My parents were smart enough and secure enough to know that while I spent a vast majority of my time with them and 100% of the time being parented by them, that I needed other people in my life to learn from, to love, to feel safe with. I'm grateful for that gift, and I want to share it with my kids too.
I admit, though, not all of my motives are pure and noble. I love that the kids will have a great day and sleepover with my parents, but I also love that I won't have to make anyone lunch, wipe noses, referee fights, negotiate naptime, fix dress-up outfits, push someone on the swings, make dinner, do bathtime, and get up at 2am if someone is teething or wakes up randomly. In short, this Mother's Day weekend, I'm taking a break from being a mom! It will be awesome to not be interrupted with stories about Rapunzel while I'm trying to have a discussion with my husband, and I am giddy at the thought of reconnecting with friends and not having to feed a toddler at the same time.
Being a parent is amazing - a wonderful gift. I love my kids and find them endlessly incredible and feel lucky to have them. But being a parent is also WORK. A lot of it. The bigger they get, the more they grow, the more fun AND work is involved. And I find that I am a better parent when I take a step back here and there, to be alone with M, to be with friends, to be by myself even.
I remember hearing women talk about how when they take time for themselves - to work out, to knit, to read, to take a walk, or for whatever interest or activity - that doing so made them a better mother, a better partner, friend, etc. And I used to scoff at that notion. Now I live it. Me taking an hour at the gym means that I have more energy for the kids, will have a healthy lifestyle that they can emulate, and that I'll live a long and healthy life with them.
Me going on a road trip with M this weekend to drink beers, tell stories of crazy 20-something happenings, and indulge in late-night Pizza House has its importance in my life as well. And is even good for the kids in the long-run. Because sometime next week when I am faced with a simultaneous toddler temper-tantrum and pre-school bathroom emergency, I'll be able to smile at the memory of a lost weekend as I cheerfully and lovingly navigate real life again.
4/28/2011
The best use for a camera phone EVER
No, not taking pictures of celebrites at airports. And definitely not for 'role model' professional athletes to snap pics of their 'junk'. The best use for a camera phone, I've decided, is to help you remember STUFF.
My latest and greatest realization is that scraps of paper or notepads on my mobile get lost or are not updated enough to be useful. So, since we have a whiteboard in the kitchen, I scribble random errands or things we need from the store as they run out. And, almost every morning, as I grab my keys & purse, I snap a picture of the whiteboard, as such:
Then, when I am out-and-about, if I have time for that store or errand, I know exactly what I need. Because honestly - who the hell would remember peanut butter, nail polish remover and lemons? Those ingredients suggest that I am either making a bomb or doing a Martha Stewart project...
When you pick up the items or complete the errand, delete the photo and move on.
Have camera phone, will travel!
My latest and greatest realization is that scraps of paper or notepads on my mobile get lost or are not updated enough to be useful. So, since we have a whiteboard in the kitchen, I scribble random errands or things we need from the store as they run out. And, almost every morning, as I grab my keys & purse, I snap a picture of the whiteboard, as such:
Then, when I am out-and-about, if I have time for that store or errand, I know exactly what I need. Because honestly - who the hell would remember peanut butter, nail polish remover and lemons? Those ingredients suggest that I am either making a bomb or doing a Martha Stewart project...
When you pick up the items or complete the errand, delete the photo and move on.
Have camera phone, will travel!
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