Hi, Irony. I'm Christy.

my 'space' at boot camp this morning...

This morning was my first official session of Boot Camp.  I paid actual money to get up at 5am on Tuesday and Thursday mornings (plus a bonus session on Saturday mornings at 7am which I don't consider torture because it's that or fighting my husband for the coffee as the tiny humans run wild).  For what?  Well, for someone to reduce my sizable (at least more than it used to be) ass to a whimpering, sweaty puddle.

I showed up - on time, even! - with my mat, my weights, and my water bottle (should have brought several gallon jugs, as it turns out) and was directed to a spot in the parking lot.  This spot.  The handicapped one.  I nearly died laughing right then and there.

Because as it turns out, I am disabled in the health and wellness category these days.  After my youngest was born I harnessed the nervous energy and what little strength I had and turned it towards remaking my outer self, all to try and bring something much-needed to my inner self.  In the throes of postpartum depression, with a toddler and a NICU infant who had a birth injury to boot, I started going to the gym.  Every day.  Like, really - every day.  Like those women we all hate.  I was one of the Mommy Mafia, with an ipod, a laser-focus and my kids at the childwatch room.  It was my time.  It was my escape.  It was my sanity.

And it worked.  I lost 93 pounds and found so much along the way.  I realized why "they" say that you should take time for yourself, that if you do you will be a better person, spouse, mother, daughter, friend, neighbor, pedestrian, driver, grocery shopper, whatever.  And I also was the most fit - mentally, physically, emotionally - that I have been maybe ever.  It was wonderful.

And now, months later, I am miserably back to having to start over.  Not totally over.  But in the months since I started working part-time, handling the occupational therapy sessions my son needs, and dealing with life in general, I've gained back 20+ of those well-earned pounds, and I forgot the part about how working out and eating right makes me feel not only in the now, but in the later.

I don't think that going to the gym every day is necessary - or possible - for me anymore.  But I do think that being kind to my body in terms of what I eat and how much I eat is essential.  And I do know that being brutal to my body in terms of vigorous workouts and strict attention to eating less and moving more is critical.  

Handicapping myself by not being healthy isn't something that just punishes me.  I have tiny humans who watch everything I do and say, and family and friends who love me.  It is my responsibility and privilege to take care of myself.

Even if that means doing wind-sprints and lunges before 6am.

People...people who need people...

...are sometimes the UN-luckiest people in the world...

I'm a people-pleaser.  Maybe it's because I'm an only child, or it's because I was raised by a woman who is a people-pleaser (who in turn was raised by a woman who was a people-pleaser, who in turn...you get it).  Whether nature, nurture, or just because, it is part of my makeup.  And don't misunderstand - being a people-pleasure is not a selfless thing.  I actually get pleasure by helping, by being helpful.  I enjoy, for the most part, being someone who works hard at my relationships, who values the people in my life and wants them to know what they mean to me.

But as I get older - and either wiser, or more cynical? - I realize that there are definitely some one-sided relationships in my portfolio.  As in I am the only one who puts in the effort.  And while I certainly understand that all relationships have an ebb and flow to them, I am just not comfortable in the doormat role with certain people in my life.  The ones who never give more than they take.  The ones who never want to be the listener, the do-er, the helper in a friendship.

My fabulously wise and witty maternal grandfather had a fabulous saying about giving in relationships.  He mainly referred to it regarding a marriage, but I think it is fitting for other key relationships in life.  His theory was that instead of things being "50/50", that if you give 60, and only take 40, when times are tough there will always be something leftover to help you get through.  I think there is some great knowledge there - that giving more than you take is not only selfless, but in some way builds up a bank of goodwill.  That both partners or parties give more than they need to, that all involved help more than they take.

That ideal of relationships is surely that - an ideal.  But imagine the shift in our lives if that is how we treated all of those who are important to us?  Always wanting to give more than we take - being more selfless than selfish.  


It is painful to acknowledge that with some people you will never get back what you put in to a relationship.  Determining if that person is worth your while is a freeing exercise, though, I've realized.  Because what I've learned about myself is that while I plan to continue being a people-pleaser, that I am also going to start considering myself one of the people that I want to please.  I'm pretty great, and I'm worth the extra.

I love my kids, so I am going away without them

Not forever.  Not even for a whole weekend.  But on Saturday, M and I will drop them off at my parents and not look back.  We probably won't even call to check in on them more than once.  And I won't feel guilty at all.


I adore the tiny humans, and I know that my jaded and sarcastic and free self will even miss them for the 27 hours or so I am away from them.  But I need this time away.  My husband needs this time away.  We need the time together.  And, when I think about it - I think the kids need us to go away, too.


I grew up knowing and spending periods of time with my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, and other relatives.  Summer visits, weekend trips, outings for afternoons, etc.  I think it is part of why I have great relationships with these people, and also why I have always felt comfortable with older generations.  My parents were smart enough and secure enough to know that while I spent a vast majority of my time with them and 100% of the time being parented by them, that I needed other people in my life to learn from, to love, to feel safe with.  I'm grateful for that gift, and I want to share it with my kids too.


I admit, though, not all of my motives are pure and noble.  I love that the kids will have a great day and sleepover with my parents, but I also love that I won't have to make anyone lunch, wipe noses, referee fights, negotiate naptime, fix dress-up outfits, push someone on the swings, make dinner, do bathtime, and get up at 2am if someone is teething or wakes up randomly.  In short, this Mother's Day weekend, I'm taking a break from being a mom!  It will be awesome to not be interrupted with stories about Rapunzel while I'm trying to have a discussion with my husband, and I am giddy at the thought of reconnecting with friends and not having to feed a toddler at the same time.  


Being a parent is amazing - a wonderful gift.  I love my kids and find them endlessly incredible and feel lucky to have them.  But being a parent is also WORK.  A lot of it.  The bigger they get, the more they grow, the more fun AND work is involved.  And I find that I am a better parent when I take a step back here and there, to be alone with M, to be with friends, to be by myself even.  


I remember hearing women talk about how when they take time for themselves - to work out, to knit, to read, to take a walk, or for whatever interest or activity - that doing so made them a better mother, a better partner, friend, etc.  And I used to scoff at that notion.  Now I live it.  Me taking an hour at the gym means that I have more energy for the kids, will have a healthy lifestyle that they can emulate, and that I'll live a long and healthy life with them. 


Me going on a road trip with M this weekend to drink beers, tell stories of crazy 20-something happenings, and indulge in late-night Pizza House has its importance in my life as well.  And is even good for the kids in the long-run.  Because sometime next week when I am faced with a simultaneous toddler temper-tantrum and pre-school bathroom emergency, I'll be able to smile at the memory of a lost weekend as I cheerfully and lovingly navigate real life again.

The best use for a camera phone EVER

No, not taking pictures of celebrites at airports.  And definitely not for 'role model' professional athletes to snap pics of their 'junk'.  The best use for a camera phone, I've decided, is to help you remember STUFF.

My latest and greatest realization is that scraps of paper or notepads on my mobile get lost or are not updated enough to be useful.  So, since we have a whiteboard in the kitchen, I scribble random errands or things we need from the store as they run out.  And, almost every morning, as I grab my keys & purse, I snap a picture of the whiteboard, as such:

Then, when I am out-and-about, if I have time for that store or errand, I know exactly what I need.  Because honestly - who the hell would remember peanut butter, nail polish remover and lemons?  Those ingredients suggest that I am either making a bomb or doing a Martha Stewart project...

When you pick up the items or complete the errand, delete the photo and move on.

Have camera phone, will travel!

These are a few of my favorite things...

No, not like Oprah's favorite things, where you'd be getting freebies and hyperventilating from the excitement.  A more quiet favorite things list, along the lines of the Van Trappe family / Sound of Music favorite things, like girls-in-white-dresses-with-blue-satin-sashes-rainbows-that-stay-on-my-nose-and-eyelashes-brown paper-packages-tied-up-with-string...

These are some of my favorite organizational / time-saving / planning tools and websites that I've found of use either currently or over the years.

I hate prepping for meals and grocery shopping, but it is a necessary evil.  Important for the amount of time I have in a day or week to be running around looking for ingredients, and also key for dinner time after everyone has had a long day, we're hungry, but oops! don't have any idea what we're eating, what's in the fridge or pantry, etc.  Now, usually in the spring and summer this gets easier because we grill a lot and can do more with fresh veg and fruits, but the basics are still needed, and if I can plan ahead and have them on hand, it is an easier evening.  So, without further ado, here is a great tool from Real Simple magazine/website that works for my brain in terms of planning your meals for the week AND having a go-to shopping list all at the same time:

Real Simple - Weekday Meal Plan & Shopping Guide

Another system I've used in the past and may need to re-start with is The Fly Lady.  Now, don't be overwhelmed by her busy website and personal/religious ideals.  Her cleaning schedule is what I have interest in, and there is some real value and sense to it.  My recommendation is to review the "getting started" or "babysteps" section and then copy and paste it into your own calendar or a word document...but make no mistake - the woman is a genius for boiling down the essentials into (and I paraphrase here):

• Get up and get dressed!
• Attack your house in sections, not all at once
• Clean as you go
• Don't go to bed with a dirty sink!

Fly Lady - Getting Started

As we know, I am a list-lover above all other things.  So having a set list of chores or things that need to get done throughout the week or month can be very helpful.  It also works when my darling, loving, very helpful husband has a momentary stroke and dares say - all while looking around at the pandemonium in our home - "Sure, I'll help, but what even needs to be done???"  Then I can just point to things on the list that haven't been checked off, all while counting until 10, 20, or 5,000,000 before I speak what is really on my mind.  Simplemom.com has some awesome downloads that I've used as a starting point - as with many things, you may want to use this kind of list or system and then tweak your own version to what is needed for your household, life, and expectations.  But she even has tools for road trip packing, goal-setting for the year, meal planning, and the one I adore the most, the Master Week Checklist.  I am also thinking the Pre-Schooler Chore Chart may need to come into play soon :  )

Tools To Download from SimpleMom.com

Now, before you think I'm a Tiger Mother, know that my expectations for the kids is pretty low.  Maybe too low.  But with C soon to turn 4 years old, I think it is more than time that she get involved with taking care of her own toys, etc.  Currently her jobs are:

• Straighten bed and army of stuffed animals when getting up in the morning
• Put away toys before bed / when finished playing with them throughout the day
• Bring dish and cup to the kitchen after meals
• Teeth brushing and patiently standing through my flossing efforts
• Being adorable and sassy at all times

But, as she grows up, she and her brother will be expected to do more.  M already has eyes on both of them to start shoveling next winter, but that might be a bit premature.  They do both seem strong, though...

Here is a chore chart I've been using for myself the past weeks.  It has things on it like:

• Drink 8 glasses of water
• Go to sleep before 1am!
• Take 10 minutes to yourself
• Journal
• Solve world hunger
• Moisturize

But, you can use it any way you like.  It is from a new favorite website, where I recently ordered some awesome wall art.  And I am thinking my new favorite wedding gifts or baby gifts might be from them and them alone from now on - totally fresh, original, personalized items from Name Your Design.  Definitely check them out online and on facebook, but also check out this free download for a simple chore chart anyone can use:

Name Your Design - Free Chore Chart Download

The woman who is behind the awesomeness of Name Your Design is Stacy Amoo-Mensah, and she happens to be the designer of some key items that I love from my next favorite thing, which is stationery!  I love handwritten notes, special announcements, and fabulous holiday cards.  For the past five years I've found all that and more from Tiny Prints.  So much so that having as many babies as the Duggar Family could be worth it just for the baby announcements alone...if you are having an event or milestone, they have the perfect paper for it.  Easy to work with, exceptional customer service, and total quality no matter how big or small your order...check them out!:

Tiny Prints

So, what do you mean it isn't smart to just write checks and pay bills and not track or plan for anything?  That doesn't work????  Oh, my.  Oops.  Well, here is a web-based tool that can help you (me) get out of that mode and start budgeting and tracking your spending in a really simple, easy-to-use fashion.  I like that it is flexible enough that it encourages you NOT to spend a ton of time with set-up - just guesstimate and commit to coming back after a month or two to adjust based on real-time spending.  Give it a whirl - free trial offered:

Pear Budget - Really Simple Budgeting

And now, for my new very, very, very, very, very favorite, absolutely amazing, life-altering favorite thing:  synching calendars!!!

We're not cool enough to have iphones yet, but M and I have entered the 1990's and rock the blackberry.  Recently I realized - eureka! - that we can use these time-and-soul-sucking gadgets to our advantage in a way that has actually changed our lives for the bestest.  (So really, circling back to Oprah and her favorite things, this may mean that M and I are living our best lives!!!!  Gasp!!!!) 

Like everyone else on the planet, we are busy.  Work, kids, medical appointments, family commitments, friends, fun, and the plumber all have to happen in any given day.  It was getting to a point where our paper calendar at home wasn't being updated (cough - M - cough) or wasn't being looked at (cough - M - cough) and things were getting missed or wires crossed in terms of who was supposed to be where on what day and when.  A friend of mine swears by Google calendar as a fabulous shared-calendar, but I knew that we (M) wouldn't check it and enter details on it enough to make it work for us.

We realized that we can use the calendar function on our phones to schedule and update each other...our phones have an "invite attendee" function much like Outlook, MeetingMaker or other calendar applications do, and that if we just send each other anything that the other person needs to either be aware of or attend, it will be right on their own calendar.  To make things clear, we agreed upon a "naming" system where the person responsible to attend is listed in parenthesis after the name of the event, so that you know whether it directly affects you or not.  Then, the "meeting request" is sent via email, and the other person can accept, make changes, or reject the time.  This has made life SO much easier, as we now communicate more regularly and effectively about the timing and scheduling of appointments, plans, etc.

I don't have a link to suggest for this favorite thing - too much depends on what phone you do / do not have and whether that even would make the most sense for you.  But Google Calendar is indeed another way to go if everyone in your life would agree to check it and use it to its advantage.

Okay, that seems to be enough sharing for now.  Clearly I'm in a Spring Cleaning / Organizational mode.  Are you?

I suffered from Post-Partum Depression...

...and I wouldn't wish that experience on ANYONE.

Except that in the aftermath, I've learned so much about myself, about the people around me, about my role as a mother, about chemicals and hormones and the need to take care of yourself.

A friend and mentor is going to our state capitol (and hopefully even further!) in order to lobby for funding for mandatory screening by health care providers for women at their 6-week post-partum visit.  I definitely agree that Pennsylvania should be the third state in America to commit to this kind of offering by obstetrician's, doula's, and other practitioners.  Below is the personal statement I wrote supporting Senate Bill 39.  It doesn't tell the whole story, but maybe I'll share that some other time...

What a difference a year makes.

A year ago, in 2010, I was in the depths of despair – scared and unsure of my future as I dealt with post-partum depression.  I felt almost physical pain from the feelings of disconnect and confusion as I navigated a new normal that I was terrified would be a permanent reality for me and my family.

What a difference two years can make.

With my first child, born in 2007, I felt good, healthy, and happy.  Hormonal changes did not affect me in severe ways, and I had a good post-partum period.  But after my second child was born just two years later, in 2009, it was a totally different experience.  A difficult delivery, my son’s stay in the NICU, hormonal changes – who knows what combination of factors led to this post-partum period being so dramatically different from my first.  But it was.  And in that two-year time period, my obstetrician/gynecologist office had started using a simple but powerful tool that ended up being part of my saving grace.

What a difference a simple form can make.

I vividly recall filling out the Edinburgh Post-Natal Depression Scale.  Even in the midst of the hurt and shame and confusion I was experiencing about the way I was feeling, it felt so good to read through the form and honestly check the boxes, giving name to what was truly going on inside me. While I had already started seeking help for post-partum depression, the very fact that I had this form, this tool to clearly acknowledge and name what I was thinking, was in itself a type of healing for me.

What a difference post-natal screening for depression can make.

I was lucky – concerned family, friends, my health care provider and even my pediatrician noticed that I was “not myself”.  They realized that I needed help, and assisted me with what I needed to get better, to fight through the depression and come back to myself, to my husband, children, family and friends. 

What a difference you can make.

I am lucky to be a patient of a caring and aware group of physicians who are using screening tools to help women like myself recognize and seek help for post-partum depression and anxiety issues.  But a woman shouldn’t have to be lucky to have this assistance.  Practices should be required by law to provide this truly life-saving service to their patients.  It is a simple form, but one that examines complex emotions.  

Post-partum depression does not just affect the woman that just gave birth.  It affects her spouse or partner, the infant just born, other children in the home, other family, friends, co-workers and neighbors.  The state of Pennsylvania needs to take care of all of our citizenry by offering women and their families this basic but essential care.  Please fight for legislation to allow for funding, research, and the implementation of mandatory post-partum screening.

Thank you, in advance, for making a difference.

I'm Grumpy.

And I really have no reason to be grumpy. 

We're all healthy, we have a roof over our heads, we have love, family, friends, and more amenities than we probably need.  There has been no earthquake here, we have no fear of poison in our skies.  I have a loving husband who treats me with respect, my kids are happy and healthy and hilarious. 

But shocking and sad news from afar and from close by, about countries far away and friends close by who are suffering pains and losses - they are clouding my worldview right now. 

To me, no one has adequately answered why bad things happen to good people.  I just can't wrap my mind around it.  It is so unfair, so painful, to know that senseless and sometimes random acts of hatred, of violence, of loss happen over and over, day after day.

I can't reconcile some of the injustices in the world.  I can't comprehend how my gay friends can't marry, but that I could.  Watching the news is dismal - local, national, international - you name it, it is probably depressing.  I don't understand why teachers are under attack, but elected officials from all parties manage to screw over their constituents on most issues.  Laws meant to protect abused women and children seem to be a joke, and really offer no help to those in need.  And how could anyone could truly think that health care for all is a bad idea?  I don't get how celebrities and sports figures are revered, and people who work for non-profits barely make a living.  These are just a few of the examples swirling in my head.

And what is worse than all of this gloom?  The fact that in the midst of all of this sadness and pain, I can still manage to find things in my life to complain about - traffic making me late, waiting too long at a doctor's office, being the one who always makes the lunches, not having a million dollars in the bank and doing whatever I want, whenever I want...

So that is really why I am grumpy - the guilt and realization that I'm human - I'm petty sometimes.  Too self-centered sometimes.  Not grateful enough most of the time. 

Time to step back and 'see the forest for the trees'...